Loyalty and War Read online

  Finished with his attempt at healing, Valis pulled his magic back into himself and took both Kerac’s hands in his and squeezed. “I will find him, Papa. I have enough information to get started.”

  “You can’t go,” Kerac whispered. “I can’t lose you, too.”

  Valis leaned in until they were almost nose to nose and held Kerac’s gaze. “You won’t lose either of us. Not if I have anything to say about it.”

  He pressed a lingering kiss to Kerac’s cheek and sat up, pulled the covers up to Kerac’s chin and tucked him in. “Rest now. I’ve got to get back to my duties, but I’ll be back soon to check on you.”

  “I love you, sweet boy.”

  “I love you, too, Papa.”

  Chapter Six

  As Valis closed the door to Kerac’s room, his stomach let out a loud growl that made two passing female Aesriphos giggle. One grinned at him. “Go eat. Breakfast is still being served.”

  Valis smirked back and rubbed his angry stomach. “Yes, ma’am.”

  Not one to lie, and too hungry to argue, Valis headed down the hall and grabbed a hearty breakfast from the serving line. To his surprise, his friends and husband still sat around their usual table.

  “Valis? Why are you so late?”

  Valis took his usual seat and gripped the back of Tavros’s neck in greeting. “I went to see Papa after training my translocation and reliquary guard students.”

  “You’re supposed to be taking time off, love,” Tavros griped. “I woke up alone, and it wasn’t pleasant. I missed you, and all I got was a note.”

  “At least you knew where I was.” When Tavros grumbled and attacked the remainder of his breakfast, Valis leaned in close and whispered, “I’ll make it up to you tonight.” He sealed his promise with a sweet, chaste kiss before starting in on his mountain of food. Thankfully, his friends gave him a few minutes to sate his immediate hunger before they started in with their questions.

  “Why didn’t you wake us up for training?” Zhasina asked. “We should have been there with you. We need to know these things as much as the reliquary guards.”

  Shrugging, Valis took his time to chew and swallow his current mouthful before answering. “You didn’t answer your door, so I figured you were exhausted. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing because I was restless and didn’t want to wake Tav, so I knew neither of you would have gone to bed early simply because we didn’t.” He shrugged and speared another bite of sausage. “I’m sorry. I’ll try harder next time if it happens again.”

  Seza leaned forward with her mug clasped in both hands before her. “What did you teach? Anything new?”

  Valis shook his head. “Since my power has grown with the recent events in the dungeon and with Aryn, I had them attacking and defending against more powerful black magic. It was more training than teaching.”

  “Then I’d like you to repeat that training with us when you’re not busy,” Seza said in a tone that brooked no argument. “We all need that training.”

  “Of course.”

  “When do you think you’ll be free?”

  Valis thought about it for a moment as he sipped his spiced milk and grimaced at her. “I need to have a scrying session, get my physical training out of the way, spend some time with Rasera, and a few other things. I might possibly have some time after lunch. Actually, after lunch might be our best bet, anyway. I need to recharge after that training session. I had to be extra careful because I didn’t have Tavros there to keep me from succumbing to the darkness. It was kind of harrowing, and I’m still a little shaky.”

  Seza gave a firm nod and sipped whatever graced her mug—probably tea. “We’ll have Aenali take an extra shift while we train during that time.” She glanced over at the little girl. “That all right, ‘Nali?”

  “That’s fine,” Aenali said. “Though, I’d love to watch you guys train sometime. But,” she shrugged, “Kerac is more important, and I can get some of my studies done while I’m watching over him. And I have Valis’s papers to grade from his lessons, so I can spend extra time with Kerac if you guys want, since it will take me a while.”

  Valis nodded. “Thank you, dollface.” He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Speaking of Papa, he’s more alert now. Talking. I need to give Thyran a report about what he told me, but that can wait for the time being. He told me about his capture and escape.”

  “How did he escape without Darolen?” Maphias asked.

  “Darolen smacked his horse’s rump and fought the enemy back so Kerac could get away,” Valis mumbled. “He never intended on escaping. His only priority was Kerac. But, if he hadn’t sacrificed himself, Kerac would be there with him, and they might both be dead right now. They had been taking people out of the cell on occasion, according to Papa, and those people never returned. So, out of those Aesriphos who were captured, I think Papa and Darolen are the only ones left alive.”

  Silence descended on the table as everyone let that sink in. Finally, Valis took a deep breath and used their silence to inhale another large portion of his plate of food. He forgot just how hungry he was with the weight of the conversation. Now, he was ravenous, even after eating a good amount during the conversation.

  The others let him finish his breakfast, but the tone of their quiet conversation remained somber. When he set his utensils down, Valis stretched, let out a soft belch, and leaned in to kiss Tavros’s cheek. “I’m going to visit Aryn. Did you want to come?”

  “Why don’t we all go?” Zhasina asked. “It might help his mental state if we all show our support.”

  “As long as you’re all nice, I don’t have a problem with it,” Valis said with a smile.

  Seza nodded. “I’m in.”

  “Me, too,” Jedai said.

  Maphias shrugged. “I’ll go.”

  “And me!” Aenali said. “Though… that leaves no one to look after Kerac.”

  “Who’s there now?” Tavros asked.

  “Papa is sleeping at the moment. Firil has already been in for his breakfast and physical therapy, so he should be fine. I’m sure it won’t be a problem to get a guard to watch over him while we’re visiting Aryn.”

  “Then let’s go since you’re finished with your breakfast,” Seza said. “Then we can all get on with our duties before we resume our watch schedule for Kerac.”

  Nodding, Valis chugged the rest of his spiced milk and set the mug on his breakfast tray. Everyone got up as a unit and tendered their dirty dishes to the kitchen, sent a guard to watch over Kerac with instructions for his care, and filed down the halls to the prison in the lowest halls of the monastery. Below ground, Valis almost felt the entire weight of the massive building pressing down on him, but it was comforting in a way. All that weight consisted of people who were family, who would do anything to help each other, so the weight left Valis feeling warm and content in a way that he hoped he would never take for granted.

  When they got into the holding cell with Aryn, the boy’s eyes widened to see the whole group there. He tucked his lower lip between his teeth, chewing on the flesh as his eyes filled with unshed tears.

  “What…?”

  Valis smiled at him. “Everyone wanted to come. I hope you don’t mind.”

  The tears spilled down Aryn’s cheeks as he shook his head and whispered, “I don’t mind.”

  For long minutes, everyone took turns going to the tiny cell to stick their hands through the bars, doing their best to hug him and say encouraging words, extracting promises for him to give his best in therapy. And when it was Valis’s turn, he drew Aryn close and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “You got this, Aryn. You’re strong, and your incarceration is only temporary. I know you can do it.”

  “I can do anything for you,” Aryn whispered thickly. “Anything.”

  Valis shook his head. “No. Do it for you, Aryn. You’re always doing things for others. It’s time to do things for yourself. Believe that you deserve to get out of here. Believe that you deserve to heal. You are worthy of lov
ing yourself. We all love you, but it doesn’t matter what we think or feel if you don’t love yourself. It never will. It will never be enough.”

  Aryn ducked his head, his fingers gripping the bars so hard his knuckles blanched white and his arms trembled. He looked up with wet, wounded eyes, a darker gray than his brother, Tavros’. “I don’t know how. I just… I don’t know how…”

  “Give yourself permission to be broken,” Valis whispered. He covered Aryn’s hands with his own and rubbed his thumbs along his knuckles. “Give yourself permission to not be okay. Give yourself permission to be scared. Then, tell your therapist everything, Aryn. Hold nothing back. Don’t lie to yourself, or to your therapist, and take their advice to heart.” He squeezed Aryn’s hands and gave him a reassuring smile. “And give yourself permission to be okay with your brokenness. Because if you shun it, it will only grow larger. It will only shrink as you heal.”

  “I’ll try, okay?”

  “That’s all anyone can ask of you. And just by trying, you’re making us all proud.”

  Aryn chewed his lip again, his eyes closed and his breathing ragged. “How do you know all this?”

  Valis smiled. “You. I learned it from you, and from the others. You didn’t tell me these words, but you all showed me that it was okay to be broken, and you showed me how to love myself by showing me love and helping me through my anxiety. But you helped most of all, because when you could, you protected me, and when you couldn’t, you showed me how to protect myself, and gave me the pushes I needed to get better.”

  Aryn stared at him for a long moment. “I’ll do my best.”

  “You’d better. We all miss you and hugging you through iron bars isn’t comfortable.”

  The boy chuckled and rested his forehead against the bars. “Thank you.”

  “We love you, Aryn. Never forget that. We’re still your friends.”

  All too soon, the guard opened the door to tell them their time was up. No one wanted to leave, but they all followed the ladies out of the prison and back into the Duty Captain’s office. And the moment they left and ascended the stairs to the main areas of the monastery, Valis was itching to get to work. He needed to scry after Darolen. If he could get it right, he could at least put his father’s mind at ease, and perhaps get some important information about the compound. If nothing else, it would at least give Darolen hope, or so Valis wished with his entire being.

  His heart thundered as he and Tavros broke off from his friends and headed toward their suite.

  “It’s going to be okay, Valis.”

  Valis glanced at Tavros and gave him a small smile. “Thanks. I just hope I’m able to reach him.”

  Tavros frowned, and it was only then that he remembered he hadn’t told Tavros about his success in two-way communications via scry. He took in a shaky breath and laced his fingers with his husband’s and told him everything about that discovery, what he saw when he scried after Darolen, and what he had planned once they reached their suite.

  “May I sit in while you scry?”

  “I’d like that.” Valis squeezed Tavros’s hand and walked a little closer as they traveled through the halls, careful not to hurt his unarmored husband with his pauldrons. “It might help calm my nerves if it doesn’t go as planned.”

  Their hands tightened on each other. Tavros knew how hard it was for Valis to concentrate when he was stressed or impatient. Hopefully, his steady love would make this endeavor easier than his past tries. Especially when he had first learned how to scry. It had taken him so long to learn that Valis thought he would never get it. Now, at least, he had some successes under his belt and felt a bit more confident.

  Once they entered their suite, Valis went to fill the scrying bowl and brought it back to their bedroom. He didn’t know why, but the bedroom always felt more appropriate for scrying. Or, perhaps not appropriate so much as more calming to his overactive mind. It was a place where he knew he could relax, where he knew that the only stresses would be great sex and calm words.

  He set the bowl down and took a moment to just breathe as Tavros laid warm, wet kisses to the back of his neck. It worked to settle his nerves, and he turned around in the circle of Tavros’s arms to thank him with a shared kiss.

  “You can do this, Valis,” Tavros whispered against his lips. His cloud-gray eyes darkened to storm colors as he stared into Valis’s soul. “No bad thoughts. I know you can do this.”

  Valis nodded and lightly rubbed their noses together. “I’m more afraid of what I’ll see. But, it needs done. Father deserves to know that Papa is safe. He needs his hope renewed.”

  “Get your armor off first.” Tavros drew back and started work on Valis’s pauldrons. “I want to hold you when you’re done, and it’ll just get in the way.”

  Chuckling, Valis helped shed his armor, and once they had it arranged neatly on his armor stand, Valis gave Tavros another quick kiss and left him sitting on the foot of the bed while he went and stood in front of the scrying bowl.

  “Do some deep breathing exercises,” Tavros suggested. “I can already see your shoulders tensing up.”

  Valis nodded and took a couple slow, deep breaths until he felt his shoulders relax and lower down from around his ears. Once his mind was clear, he stared down into the bowl and focused his mind. After only a few moments, the blackness overtook the bowl, and with another push, he could hear Darolen’s wheezing breaths between whispered prayers to Phaerith.

  The sound broke something deep inside Valis. Something more than his shattered heart. His breath hitched. His eyes watered, but he wiped the wetness away and redirected his focus. He had a mission, and he had to get it done before he broke down.

  With a mental shove, Valis fought to break that barrier. He knew Darolen wouldn’t be able to see him in the blackness of that cell, but if he could get it to work, his father could at least hear him.

  Another shove, and Darolen grunted. Did it work? Valis swallowed his fear and whispered, “Father?”

  “Valis?” Darolen croaked. “No… no, I’m going mad… No…”

  “Father, it’s me. I promise it’s me. I’m contacting you through two-way scry from the filth around you. It’s the only way I could think of.”

  “Valis…” Darolen made a pained sound, something between a whimper and a groan. “Valis, my boy… Gods, your voice… It has been so long, too long.” He inhaled a raspy breath and coughed. “Keep your voice down, son.”

  “I will,” Valis whispered quieter. “Can you still hear me?”

  “I hear you more in my mind than I do from anything else. But…”

  “I understand, Father. I don’t want anyone to hurt you because of this. But I have news.”

  “Please…”

  Valis shivered at the urgent plea. He didn’t keep his father waiting. “Papa made it home. He’s very weak. Sick, malnourished, and devastated to have left you behind, but he’s home, he’s alive, and he’s getting around-the-clock care. He made it home.”

  Darolen sobbed a breath. “Thank the gods!”

  “I heard you praying for us yesterday,” Valis said. “It broke my heart. It took a while, but Thyran took pity on me and taught me how to communicate via scry so I could answer your prayers. We’re all fine, and Papa is getting better every hour. Your horses were in bad shape, too, but they’re receiving the best care from the stable master.”

  Sniffles rose from the scrying bowl, and Valis wished he could reach through that barrier and pull his father into a tight hug, to pull him out of that place. If only he could see the room clearly so he could phase in and get him out of there, but… he had little hope of that happening. He would have to do it the old-fashioned way and break into the compound.

  “Can you tell me where they have you captive?”

  Darolen cleared his throat softly. “No. We were in stasis when they brought us in. I didn’t see much when I freed Kerac. I was so focused on getting him out that I don’t even remember the layout of the compound.” His v
oice broke, and Valis’s heart broke a little more with it. “I just know it’s at the base of a mountain.”

  “I can work with that, Father.”

  “What?”

  Valis set his mouth into a grim line. “It may not be as soon as I like, but I will get you out of there. You have my word.”

  “No. No, Valis. You must stay away! Do not come here!”

  “That’s not up for debate. I’m coming, and you’ll just have to deal with it.”

  “No! Please, Valis—”

  Valis gentled his whisper and sighed. “Father, please don’t argue with me on this. Please. Papa is distraught. He is worried about you, for you. I am, as well. Trust that I’m strong enough, that I’ve done nothing but prepare for this. And trust that I’m not stupid enough to go alone.”

  Darolen let out an explosive sigh. Valis heard a thud and guessed it to be his father thumping his head against the cell wall at his back. “Damn it, son…”

  Grinning, Valis leaned closer to the bowl. “I’m a stubborn man, Father. You can’t out-stubborn me.”

  Darolen’s soft laugh meant everything to Valis. “So I’m learning. Just… just be careful, Valis. Freedom will mean little if you aren’t there to share it with us.”

  “I promise.”

  “Listen,” Darolen whispered urgently. “Do not contact me again. It isn’t safe. If they hear me talking, they could discover your scry and possibly trace it back to you. Do you understand? It could put both of us in danger.”

  Even though Valis’s entire soul rebelled against that order, Valis nodded. “I understand, and I promise. I won’t let you down, Father.”

  “You never have, son. Never.”

  Chapter Seven

  “What are you doing?”

  Tavros’s exasperated tone made Valis glance over at him with both brows raised. “Writing a list.”

  “You’ve been stuck in your own head since you finished the scry with your father. Are you even going to talk about it?” Tavros pulled a chair up beside Valis at the desk in their bedroom and sat down facing Valis. “I know how much it hurt when he told you not to contact him again.”